>Rest assured, only half of this story was written by Docta Haus, and the other half was written by his close friend and associate, the honorable drug dealer Docta Hoo. Additionally, there are no Wicker Man references in this story.
Part I
What? No! Why are they back already? The guys told me that the owner was at work! I gotta get out of here! Where's the door? No, wait, that's the study. They're inside! I'm screwed! And not in the good way!
Why do the Omega Thetas want me to rob the biggest house in Hanover? What kind of initiation is this? They didn't even tell me who owns the place! I mean come on, who can blame me for wanting to join a frat? How am I gonna get laid otherwise? It's college, man!
OH CRAP! I didn't mean to knock it over! This is bad, that noise was hella loud! And look at that dent in the floor! Why do they have a bowling ball display anyhow? On second thought, why haven't they come up here yet? Maybe they didn't notice the broken window? Hold on, what's that noise? OH GOD THEY'RE COMING UP THE STAIRS!
You know what, I bet this is all a trick! What if it isn't the owner at all? I bet it's those frat jerks, waltzing up here right now, expecting to get a kick out of humiliating some freshman! Well I won't have it! Where's that sword I saw earlier? Here it is! Well, we'll see who scares whom tonight. Oh boy, here they come! Just a little closer...closer...
COME AT ME, BRO!
Part II
Dr. Cuddly stared blankly at the gaping hole where her front window used to be. At first, she was just angry. Hadn't she moved to Hanover to get away from this sort of thing? Vandalism was the last thing she needed, what with the new quarter starting. Exasperated, she opened the front door and, careful to avoid the broken glass, began to assess the damage.
It didn't look like a robbery. Nothing was missing or out of place, save for the brick that had been lobbed through her single-pane window, which was lying on the floor amidst a sea of broken glass. Now annoyed at the immature display, she tossed the brick out the window and gingerly picked up the glass.
Then she heard the noise.
It wasn't all that loud, just a muffled bang from the sword room. Nevertheless, Cuddly recognized a gunshot when she heard one. Her heart skipped a beat as she realized that someone was still in her house, someone who obviously didn't know how to handle a firearm properly.
There was no way she was letting them take the sword. A 20-year professor of East-Asian studies, Cuddly's Katana was her most prized possession. Desperate to stop the burglar, she bounded up the stairs three at a time, whipping out a handgun of her own: the two-tone Desert Eagle she kept loaded at all times ever since being assaulted in a Taxi in Los Angeles.
Without warning, she burst through the door with a loud "COME AT ME, BRO!" Someone was stealing her sword! She unloaded three shots in quick succession, landing two in the target's torso and one in his leg. Finally, she got a look at his face. To her horror, she recognized the visage of Edwin Thebes, the son of one of her friends from back in California. As he crumpled to the ground, she could do little more than stare in horror at her victim. Eventually, her anguish got the better of her, and Cuddly let out an Earth-shattering cry. "OH NO! NOT THEBES!"
The End
By Docta Haus and Docta Hoo
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